This month’s book recommendation comes with a caveat. Not because it isn’t very good (it really is) but because I feel a bit awkward recommending a book which is aimed so squarely at only half the population. My aim with highlighting books on my blog is to share what I’ve been reading and the things I’ve found enjoyable, provoking and inspiring with the hope you might find them similarly helpful. This book is one of the few ‘personal development’ books I’ve read when I felt like it was written about me, and about people I know. So I couldn’t not tell you about it, despite its narrow focus. I hope you’ll forgive me this once, and I hope you’ll consider reading it no matter how you gender-identify; there are good insights for all in it.
As I’ve already talked about here on the blog, this year being brave and pushing myself are things I’m actively trying to do. I have felt for a few years now that I’ve been keeping myself small, afraid of the big ideas and dreams I have. On the one hand, it’s safe and on the other it’s frustrating. This is the year I feel ready to do something about it. So when I saw this book, I knew I needed to read it. The book explores things I know to be true from my own experiences, and from years of watching my talented female friends and peers undervalue themselves and their abilities. We can so clearly see others’ talents, but we downplay our own. This book not only shines a bright light on some of the tendencies and habits I have in this regard, but it also offers ways to address them and to work past them.
Playing Big is “a practical guide to moving past self-doubt and creating what you most want to create – whether in your career, in your community or in a passion you pursue outside of work. It’s not about the old-school notion of playing big – more money, work prestigious title, a bigger empire or fame. It’s about you living with a sense of greater freedom to express your voice and pursue your aspirations. It’s playing big according to what playing big truly means to you.” The author, Tara Mohr, covers topics which are familiar to me through my own experiences working with a coach – the inner critic, the voice of inner wisdom and different aspects of fear. But she goes beyond this, identifying the key aspects where women, in particular, get stuck: our relationships to praise and criticism, being the good girl or the good student, how we hide ourselves and how the way we communicate diminishes us. She then offers alternatives and ways to act – ways to play bigger right now, ways to find our callings and ways to make things easier.
The book is practically-minded. Each chapter ends with activities to do (mostly writing/journal-based) which suits me very well. But she also points to resources on her website to help. As with most self-help/personal development books there are case studies throughout, but unlike another book I read recently (where all the examples were only from the author’s own life and quickly grew tiresome) these examples come from a range of women the author has worked with (not all of them business women) as well as from the author herself. And, as I don’t like my self-help purely anecdotal, it also reassuringly has references to current research (science, business and social sciences). This book feels like the expression of a career’s worth of experiences and a lifetime passion for women’s voices being heard.
Now, I don’t know how you relate to all this. You may be super confident and living your life to its fullest extent, aware of and proud of your talents. If that’s the case then I’m not sure this book holds much for you (and yay, by the way, you are awesome!) But if you have ever felt in any way, small or large, that you might be holding yourself back in some aspect of your life, that maybe you get in your own way. If maybe you suspect that you’re playing it safe and not really going after what you want, then I’d imagine there’s something here for you.
So much of the work I do with makers and creatives often boils down to issue of confidence, and I would love to see more people embrace their inner strengths and brilliance, and achieve all the things they want for themselves. It’s in our power, we just need a little nudge.
Playing Big: Find your Voice, Your Vision and Make Things Happen. Published by Penguin Books.