As it often does, January got away from me a bit this year and I found myself almost at the end of the month without having had time for my year review and plan. Some unexpected work and the winter blues meant that I haven’t been feeling in the right headspace this month for clearing some time to reflect. And that’s ok. Sometimes the right moment doesn’t arrive (for me) well into February and even then I often don’t have the energy to begin my plans properly until March and the return of the light.
As my new online reflect and review course – the Holistic Creative Practice Review – comes to an end this week I’ve been thinking about the journey the people who signed up are on. And, on Sunday, I finally felt ready to do my own review, not only of 2019 but of the previous decade and how I want the next 10 years to look and feel.
I’ve been building up a personal practice of seasonal reviews (tied to the solstices and equinoxes) as well as a larger annual review at the start of the year. I’ve been doing this regularly for 3 years now, and I have all my notes in one book. Flicking back, looking at how I have answered the questions, the things I have learnt each time, I noticed that it’s the same things coming up again and again. Yes, each year the context is slightly different, and the activities I’m doing (especially for work) might vary quite a bit, but after I’ve checked in with myself for work and am thinking more holistically, I’m left feeling that I haven’t quite managed to pay attention to my own needs – my creativity, my health and wellbeing, my closest relationships. And this is disheartening.
I try not to be too hard on myself, after all it is tricky balancing everything, especially when you work freelance. And I try to remember that even my philosophical hero, the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius, found himself struggling with the same issues over and over again (see here for a post about it). So I really should give myself a break. But, what I think this noticing has brought me is the realisation that whatever I’ve been doing in the past probably isn’t working. That perhaps it’s time for a rethink and a new approach.
This year, instead of making the same promises to myself to do better in the areas that I seem to neglect, I am making a radical decision – I am going to prioritise ‘me’ and let work take second stage.
This doesn’t mean that I won’t work or do the best job I can in the things I do, but it means I have to change my attitude to what comes first, to what gets my focus and the bulk of my energy. It doesn’t mean that I will ignore all the necessary, but slightly rubbish things I have to do for work – but I will try to limit their effect on me. I will not be chasing bigger and better things in work this year; I will maintain and consolidate the things I already do. I will probably take on new things, and make the most of opportunities, but not at the expense of my own personal priorities. I will find a way to redress the imbalance of recent years.
How am I going to priorities myself? It’s not something I’m that familiar with, and I find it a struggle. Setting goals and targets for self-care activities hasn’t worked too well in the past, so I’m coming at it from the other direction. How can I modify my time at work to help create opportunities to focus on my wellbeing?
Things I know I can do to help are:
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establish boundaries and uphold them
This works in two ways. I’m clearer with other people about what they can expect of me and I honour the things I really want to focus on. I claim them as important and I defend them.
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become stricter with my time (opening up space for self-care)
I am a procrastinator by nature which means I’m positive that most of the stuff I do for work ends up taking much longer than it should. The byproduct of this is that it eats into the time I want to earmark for me, and I let it. This year I’m going to try to create some limits to my working hours/days with the hope that this will help me to get stuff done in the time it really takes, without the faffing. Then, I will have some extra time in the week to shift to my own priorities – being more creative, exercising, spending quality time with loved ones.
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regularly remind myself of the big picture (how important it is for me to do this, now)
I think this could be the key. In the past I’ve set myself aims to ‘fix’ these imbalances and to do better. I know I want to, and I know it’s important to me. But then, once I’ve done the review and made the plans, I forget the emotion behind it and only see the goals, the to-do list activities. The things stop meaning anything beyond something I now ‘have to do’ or feel I ‘should’ do. And, that kills it dead. This time I wonder what will happen if I have a regular reminder of ‘why’ this is important to me. How I don’t want to be feeling the same way in a year, in ten. Checking in with my values and motivations to keep these aims vital and connected to me.
So that’s where I am at the end of the first month of this year, of this new decade. I’ve started the journey of reflecting and planning, one which doesn’t end just because the New Year period is over. It’s an ongoing, iterative process for the whole year.
If you would still like to work on your reflecting (on 2019 or the past decade) and planning for 2020, don’t worry it’s not too late! It’s worth taking the time to get this right for you, in a way that works for you. I have a couple of things that could help:
My Holistic Creative Practice Review course will be available to download in one pdf in February here on my website. Sign up to my newsletter to hear first.
or we could work together in person:
I will be at Clayhill Arts in Somerset on 18th – 19th February where I’ll be leading a practical workshop on Crafting a Sustainable Practice. As well as this there will be five 1:1 session slots available to work with me on your planning and goal setting (or any other issues you might currently be facing in your practice). For more info and to book visit the Clayhill Arts website. I look forward to seeing you there!