I haven’t felt so great today, so I’ve not written a new blog post. Instead I spent a bit of time re-reading old notes, searching for snippets of ideas in things discarded. I’m not sure I found what I was looking for, but this entry from 5th November 2018 reminds me how circular time is, how perennial my struggle to start and maintain a daily writing practice.
Writing on wine is it advisable? I mean I definitely feel like I can type faster, but maybe that’s not true at all, given all the spelling mistakes. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just left them, or had auto-correct turned on and the computer altered my words without me noticing (as happens in my texts). What unconscious word desires would emerge?
Today. A day where I feel nothing has been accomplished, and yet I have picked up the threads of my daily practices, I’ve yoga-d and I’ve written. Today was a pretty day. It was warmer than usual, so I didn’t use my hat or fingerless gloves. I just walked in a thin neck scarf (that puts me in mind of traditional caravans and toffee apples) and my coat. The amber light of the sun making the autumn leaves glow. Lovely stuff.
So, take heart. You started the day well. And it will end nicely – shared food in your new home. With freshly shaved floors filling the air with cut-wood smell. Soon, soon, you will be able to pack some boxes, take some furniture over, and begin to own your own house.
So today is an all right day. It may not be a day of telling, of remembering, just one of many. But it was not terrible, you were not useless, it did not go unremarked. And now, with a few words to go and pink, wine-flushed fingers trying to hit the right keys, you just need to make it to the end of the day. Perhaps read a book that reminds you why you love to read, to write. Something that keeps your small flame of inspiration alight, something that calls you back here tomorrow. Because, although tomorrow is another day, it is not a brand new day, things linger, and you can remember to bring with you the sense that you would like just a little bit more. It’s in your power.