First I must thank Instagram for, yet again, providing me with a starting point for today’s daily blog. I had a busy work day yesterday so didn’t get round to writing, and it’s amazing how quickly the inertia sets in. I was ready to write off today as well, but then I noticed quite a few of my favourite feeds (especially those of coaches like Tamu at LiveThreeSixty) were highlighting that today is World Kindness Day. I must admit that I didn’t realise there was a global day for focusing on kindness, and Wikipedia tells me it’s been going since 1998. My only thought is that perhaps kindness is so underrated as a value that it doesn’t get as much attention?
Some posts that I’ve seen have highlighted the shadow side of kindness- the way that kindness might be used as a way of denying the needs of the self, or the way we don’t show ourselves compassion. And these are very real things for me. How closely have I skirted the boundary between kindness and people pleasing? How much of the kindness I try to show others comes from my need to be a ‘good girl’ and how much of it is my heart’s own choice? A lot of the inner work that I do focuses on the struggles I have showing myself the same level of kindness that I extend to others.
Showing myself self-kindness is a daily practice. But today I’d like to focus on the common kindness that binds all of us, the inherent goodness that humans possess. I believe that kindness extended outside of ourselves is a value that needs to be celebrated, especially with the world as it is right now.
When I started working with a coach three years ago, we started by looking at my values. I come back to this work often, every time I am starting something new or I feel that things have changed significantly. But always, always, kindness is on the list. It is at the core of who I am. And this is what I understand by ‘kindness’.
Kindness for me is not some bland, safe, gentle value. Being kind isn’t simply about doing nice things or being friendly or generous. Kindness is radical and it is resistance. Kindness is an extension of my empathy and compassion, of my desire to value everyone’s humanity without condition. It is a constant act of re-learning and re-affirming. It sounds easy to be kind, but to be accepting of others, to hear them and respect them, to not demand that they be different than they are; that is hard.
With kindness as a guiding value in my life and work I try to meet people where they are. I try not to judge too quickly, I try to understand where people are coming from (especially when they have views and opinions that oppose mine). My kindness is not weak – I am not naïve. I don’t use my kindness to avoid what might be problematic or difficult. Instead it allows me to remember that first and foremost we are all human. We are all imperfect. We all have needs and fears, and we all deserve understanding and love. My commitment to kindness challenges me on a daily basis. Sometimes I would love to throw it out the window and have the freedom to dismiss people or cancel them. But that’s not how I want to be in the world, and so I keep at it.
On World Kindness Day I wonder, what does kindness mean to you? How do you define it in relation to yourself and to others? Is it a value that you would say is important in your life, your creative practice or work? What definitions of kindness have you accepted from others? What shadow side of kindness exists for you?