I set myself the challenge to write a blog post each day this month because I know how useful I find it to have daily practices. Anchor points in my day that offer me moments of stillness or movement, of contemplation or escape. These routines, once I can get them established, help me to navigate uncertain times or dips in wellbeing; I don’t have to think too hard about what needs doing, the habits offer a structure. And as long as I can muster up the energy to do them, all is well.
Writing a daily blog post is a space I needed creatively. I am out of practice thinking, drawing ideas together, connecting what I observe and experience to a wider context of my work. I thought that maybe having the intent to show up each day might be the gentle nudge I needed back into this frame of mind.
What it is not, and I think this is really important for me to remember, is an act of consistency. I have not set up the expectation that I will write daily. It is not the outcome that is important here, but the process. What gets written is not so relevant, right now. When we return to skills that we’ve put down for a while, to tools we are unfamiliar with, we can’t expect to be doing our finest work straight away. This hesitant, rough work still needs to be made. But, it also needs to be made mindfully and with kindness.
It completely defeats the point if I berate myself, if I get frustrated or if I demand that I show up here when things are difficult. And, things are difficult right now. There will be some days that the act of writing helps me navigate the tough emotions and physical effects of anxiety. There will be some days where the best act of self care would be not to write. And to see that not as a failure, because I won’t have met my target of 31 days straight. No. Imperfection is welcome here. Inconsistency is not a sign that I don’t know what I’m doing, that I’m not doing my best. Choosing to show up when it works for me, when this activity nourishes me rather than depletes me, that feels like sustainable and sensible way to navigate the early days of this new practice. Gradually, as I find my mind shift and the thoughts coalesce more readily, I’m sure each day won’t feel like an uphill struggle to create something. But until then I trust that what I need, on a challenging day like today, might not be to force it, but to attend to other things. And so, I’m off to my sewing machine to tackle the waistband on some trousers. See you tomorrow