How action and busy-ness can get in the way of doing what you need
I didn’t send out a newsletter in April as I was ill. Although I’m on the mend now, I’ve been putting off writing anything because I just didn’t know what to say, or I felt that I had too much to say (like this week when the anger at our government is overwhelming) and felt uncomfortable venting all of that onto you. I have been struggling to know whether talking about work, trying to carry on with what I do normally, is acceptable in a time of so much distress and suffering, but I don’t really know what else to do. The desire to connect is still strong, and this has been playing on my mind, so I’m here, in whatever messy form that is, offering what I can at this time and knowing that it’s probably woefully inadequate.
The gap between the feeling and the doing
I started the year with the intention of slowing down and taking my time deciding what to do with my creative practice (currently my curatorial practice). I had made arrangements and come to terms with the fact that I was going to be doing less in my creative consultancy business – fewer client sessions, teaching and events – for a few months. That this was necessary to be able to think, explore and understand what I wanted to create and contribute to the world. So, why would this plan change, now?
Why does this sudden enforcement of slowing down, distancing and solitude (which felt so necessary in January) actually make me feel like I should be doing more, being busy, creating stuff and getting it out there, right now?! I feel like I’m part of a race I didn’t sign up to. I recognise these symptoms; it’s the fear of the unknown, the anxiety about so much beyond my control. My automatic response, when I’m anxious or stressed, is to do something, be useful, help, support, fix… But, this sort of action without deliberation, maybe isn’t what’s best, for me or for others.