Planning when planning feels impossible
All this month on the blog I’ve talked about the process I go through at the beginning of each new year, of reflecting on who I am in that moment and the things I value, and of reviewing the events of the previous year in detail so that I know what I want to carry […]
Reflect to reconnect
In my last post I shared the process I go through each new year, as I assess how the previous year has gone and prepare for the new one ahead. It’s only recently that I realised that it has 3 distinct phases – reflection, review & planning. For a long time I only did the […]
Approaching the end of 2020
We’re fast approaching the end of the year and with it thoughts of the future begin to occupy the quieter moments. But after a monumental year what will reflection and planning for 2021 look like? I can’t speak for anyone else, if you feel that 2020 needs to be forgotten as quickly as possible, I […]
What kind of creative space do we most need to be ourselves?
It feels like we are in a kind of limbo, as we wait to see what will happen with the American election. Although my anxiety from earlier in the week has calmed down and I am no longer doomscrolling and checking the news feeds incessantly, I am still agitated and a bit preoccupied. I wanted […]
How action and busy-ness can get in the way of doing what you need
I didn’t send out a newsletter in April as I was ill. Although I’m on the mend now, I’ve been putting off writing anything because I just didn’t know what to say, or I felt that I had too much to say (like this week when the anger at our government is overwhelming) and felt uncomfortable venting all of that onto you. I have been struggling to know whether talking about work, trying to carry on with what I do normally, is acceptable in a time of so much distress and suffering, but I don’t really know what else to do. The desire to connect is still strong, and this has been playing on my mind, so I’m here, in whatever messy form that is, offering what I can at this time and knowing that it’s probably woefully inadequate.
Do it your way – why Reflecting & Planning doesn’t have an end of January expiry date
As it often does, January got away from me a bit this year and I found myself almost at the end of the month without having had time for my year review and plan. Some unexpected work and the winter blues meant that I haven’t been feeling in the right headspace this month for clearing some time to reflect. And that’s ok. Sometimes the right moment doesn’t arrive (for me) well into February and even then I often don’t have the energy to begin my plans properly until March and the return of the light.
As my new online reflect and review course – the Holistic Creative Practice Review – comes to an end this week I’ve been thinking about the journey the people who signed up are on. And, on Sunday, I finally felt ready to do my own review, not only of 2019 but of the previous decade and how I want the next 10 years to look and feel.
Energy review
For the last couple of years I’ve been using the seasonal markers of the equinoxes and the solstices to remind me to review the previous three months. These points of change and balance feel right for noticing how things are going with my creative and personal endeavours. But, I’ve also noticed something else happening when I slow down at these moments of seasonal shift – I become more aware of my own seasons and the rhythm to my year.
This year, on today’s equinox, I’ve decided to look at energy as the thread throughout my work and life. I’m going to review things from that point of view rather than using the usual metrics of accomplishment and activity.
There is nothing wrong with doing a review based on what you did in the past 3 months, 6 months, 9 months… and asking what you still want to do in the months ahead. But, it focuses very much on numbers (quantity of work, frequency), and it can be quite binary (done/not done, successful/not successful). And this can sometimes leave us feeling a bit disheartened if we haven’t done as much as we set out to do, even if we are trying to be kind to ourselves in our analysis! In choosing another way to frame the review, I wonder if the same work can be done, but in a way that embraces the nature of life to be messy and not go to plan, that we are all imperfect and that’s ok.
Today I’m going to share the process that I’m using, based on energy, for a slightly different approach:
Rethinking the To Do list
I’m returning to this space after a bit of a break. I’m not entirely sure I feel ready, but I think it’s right to come back and start again when there are new buds on the trees and flowers starting to bloom in gardens. Writing regularly, and sharing my ideas on creativity with a wider audience, is important to me and I’ve missed it during the winter months. But, adding something back into my schedule feels like hard work. I’ve gotten used to having the extra time each week for other things (and there are so many other things!) that trying to earmark a short space for this has me questioning whether it’s time I can afford. This activity needs to move from the category ‘things I rarely do’ to ‘things I always do’ – a space that is much easier to deal with.
The issue seems to be how I view the work I currently need to do. I’m at the beginning of a long project that will last until the end of June. It’s challenging work and I feel like I am always on the verge of being overwhelmed, there are so many things to hold in my head. I’ve been keeping a reflective journal of the process, to learn as I go, and I’ve already realised that managing a project – that involves six other artists, two venues, five partner organisations, an ambitious events programme and is publicly funded – by one’s self may not have been such a sensible plan. It’s all do-able, but it would be lovely to have someone to share things with, an extra pair of eyes on the details and the overview. When I start to struggle it’s all on me. I’m sure you know exactly how I feel. Most creative work, for freelancers or self-employed artists/makers/designers, lives in the mind of only one person, and no one else has the full picture. Sharing that, explaining that, not feeling guilty by it is often hard to do.
So right now I’m interested in ways to manage my work load and time so that I don’t have too many days of feeling twisty in my tummy or evenings spent feeling like I should be doing more
Revisiting ideas
It’s almost half way through November and the challenge of NaNoWriMo. As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, I’m using it mainly as a way to get into the habit of writing daily, and in a more focused way, rather than trying to get the first draft of a novel down (my writing is non-fiction anyway so that’s another deviation from the path…) And I should say that things are going pretty well. I’ve found time every day to write, even if that’s only to get a quick 500 words down in between other things. What is most heartening is to see the gradual accumulation of words, a bank of ideas that might develop into other things, later.
Anyway, it dawned on me that I have no way of categorising or indexing all this writing. Which isn’t such a problem for the daily free-writing (which is mostly just stream-of-consciousness stuff out of my head) but for the focused pieces, where I’m starting to draw out ideas I may want to work on later, well – I need a plan!
Reconnect with your purpose
In last week’s blog post I recommended Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet, a short book of advice from one established artist to another at the beginning of his journey. There are many threads within his letters, but Rilke, in particular, seems to advocate cultivating inner strength and a sense of purpose that can only come from yourself, not from others:
Perhaps it will turn out that you are called to be an artist. Then assume this fate and bear it, its burden and its greatness, without ever asking after the rewards that may come from outside. For he who creates must be a world of his own and find everything within himself and in the natural world that he has elected to follow.
I have been thinking about this notion, of gaining inner strength and through that reconnecting with the purpose to your creativity. I don’t think I know any creative person who does not have doubts about what they do. Sometimes it is only in small ways, when a particular piece of work isn’t working, other times it can be far-reaching when a crossroads is reached and the inevitable ‘what am I doing with my life?’ question appears. These doubts are natural. So, if we accept that, what can be done when we feel them? How do we find a way through the worries and out of the other side, to a place where we can continue?