When anxiety appears, what do we forget about ourselves?
Once I’d decided that I was going to challenge myself to write each day, the scale of it made me pause. Am I up to writing a whole blog post every single day, when I’ve barely had the mental bandwidth or energy to write once a month for the past 10 months? Wouldn’t I be […]
How action and busy-ness can get in the way of doing what you need
I didn’t send out a newsletter in April as I was ill. Although I’m on the mend now, I’ve been putting off writing anything because I just didn’t know what to say, or I felt that I had too much to say (like this week when the anger at our government is overwhelming) and felt uncomfortable venting all of that onto you. I have been struggling to know whether talking about work, trying to carry on with what I do normally, is acceptable in a time of so much distress and suffering, but I don’t really know what else to do. The desire to connect is still strong, and this has been playing on my mind, so I’m here, in whatever messy form that is, offering what I can at this time and knowing that it’s probably woefully inadequate.
The gap between the feeling and the doing
I started the year with the intention of slowing down and taking my time deciding what to do with my creative practice (currently my curatorial practice). I had made arrangements and come to terms with the fact that I was going to be doing less in my creative consultancy business – fewer client sessions, teaching and events – for a few months. That this was necessary to be able to think, explore and understand what I wanted to create and contribute to the world. So, why would this plan change, now?
Why does this sudden enforcement of slowing down, distancing and solitude (which felt so necessary in January) actually make me feel like I should be doing more, being busy, creating stuff and getting it out there, right now?! I feel like I’m part of a race I didn’t sign up to. I recognise these symptoms; it’s the fear of the unknown, the anxiety about so much beyond my control. My automatic response, when I’m anxious or stressed, is to do something, be useful, help, support, fix… But, this sort of action without deliberation, maybe isn’t what’s best, for me or for others.
What I’m doing this Spring to deal with uncertainty ahead
This week is the equinox – a moment of balance, the beginning of spring and the return of the light. If you’ve been reading this newsletter or my blog for a while you’ll know that this is a key seasonal moment for me. But this spring doesn’t feel like others. There is no denying that the usual optimism of the light is tinged with doubt and anxiety.
The last 3 months have been tricky for me navigating my seasonal affective disorder. It’s been worse than other years; I suspect Brexit, Climate Emergency and now Covid19 haven’t helped. Normally I’d be anticipating a lightening of my mood along with the lengthening of the days, but it’s not been happening. Worries for the health of loved ones, and concerns about how we as a society will cope, have meant that I’m still struggling to see a way out of the winter blues.
Do it your way – why Reflecting & Planning doesn’t have an end of January expiry date
As it often does, January got away from me a bit this year and I found myself almost at the end of the month without having had time for my year review and plan. Some unexpected work and the winter blues meant that I haven’t been feeling in the right headspace this month for clearing some time to reflect. And that’s ok. Sometimes the right moment doesn’t arrive (for me) well into February and even then I often don’t have the energy to begin my plans properly until March and the return of the light.
As my new online reflect and review course – the Holistic Creative Practice Review – comes to an end this week I’ve been thinking about the journey the people who signed up are on. And, on Sunday, I finally felt ready to do my own review, not only of 2019 but of the previous decade and how I want the next 10 years to look and feel.
Why it’s not crazy to do a seasonal review so close to the New Year
With the solstice only days away, we’re right in the middle of the darkest part of the year and also the busiest. It’s a combination that can easily lead to feeling over-stimulated and over-tired, the adrenaline of trying to get it all done matched with the lack of time we give ourselves to rest or […]
Energy review
For the last couple of years I’ve been using the seasonal markers of the equinoxes and the solstices to remind me to review the previous three months. These points of change and balance feel right for noticing how things are going with my creative and personal endeavours. But, I’ve also noticed something else happening when I slow down at these moments of seasonal shift – I become more aware of my own seasons and the rhythm to my year.
This year, on today’s equinox, I’ve decided to look at energy as the thread throughout my work and life. I’m going to review things from that point of view rather than using the usual metrics of accomplishment and activity.
There is nothing wrong with doing a review based on what you did in the past 3 months, 6 months, 9 months… and asking what you still want to do in the months ahead. But, it focuses very much on numbers (quantity of work, frequency), and it can be quite binary (done/not done, successful/not successful). And this can sometimes leave us feeling a bit disheartened if we haven’t done as much as we set out to do, even if we are trying to be kind to ourselves in our analysis! In choosing another way to frame the review, I wonder if the same work can be done, but in a way that embraces the nature of life to be messy and not go to plan, that we are all imperfect and that’s ok.
Today I’m going to share the process that I’m using, based on energy, for a slightly different approach:
The trap of being busy and the value of doing nothing
This week, in my role as Trustee at New Brewery Arts in Cirencester, I went on a three day training course. In many ways I was happy to go – I was looking forward to getting to know the senior management team better, to understand the challenges facing the organisation and to be as useful as I could in supporting them in achieving the vision they have for the future. But, secretly, I was wondering whether I could spare the time.
At the moment I am in the thick of it organising a project which has taken up most of my headspace for the last year. I have what feels like a never-ending list of things to do, so many people I need to keep in contact with and new people to reach out to. There are weekly lists, monthly lists, a year planner and the world’s biggest mind-map on my wall – all of which are to keep me on track, so I don’t miss anything. Perhaps I’m being overly paranoid, but the reality is that it’s just me keeping this thing going; I don’t have a collaborator or team behind me. And, it’s starting to get exhausting.
A little bit of kindness
I didn’t mean for my blog writing to fall silent; I had a plan for most of December and into early January. But then the holiday season took over and once all the bustle of family and friend visits died down, I found myself unable to start again. I suffer from seasonal affective disorder and […]
Self Care in December: incubation
With the solstice only days away, we’re right in the middle of the darkest part of the year and also the busiest. It’s a combination that can easily lead to feeling over-stimulated and over-tired, the adrenaline of trying to get it all done matched with the lack of time we give ourselves to rest or go slowly. It’s obvious how this can affect us emotionally and physically, but how about creatively? In this blog I spend a lot of time wondering about the creative process, and how we can support our creative practices to become as full and expansive as possible. I have come to believe that December is in some ways a natural enemy to creativity, as it is a month that makes so many demands. It expects us to be dynamic and positive, giving so much energy out to others, while not really allowing time and space for us to maintain that energy. So be it. I can’t change December, it will always be this way. But I can change how I respond to these circumstances. So, instead of resisting and feeling annoyed with myself for feeling stretched and tired, I am going to go with it. I am not going to expect anything great from my creativity this month. Instead I am going to take care of it.