The trap of being busy and the value of doing nothing
This week, in my role as Trustee at New Brewery Arts in Cirencester, I went on a three day training course. In many ways I was happy to go – I was looking forward to getting to know the senior management team better, to understand the challenges facing the organisation and to be as useful as I could in supporting them in achieving the vision they have for the future. But, secretly, I was wondering whether I could spare the time.
At the moment I am in the thick of it organising a project which has taken up most of my headspace for the last year. I have what feels like a never-ending list of things to do, so many people I need to keep in contact with and new people to reach out to. There are weekly lists, monthly lists, a year planner and the world’s biggest mind-map on my wall – all of which are to keep me on track, so I don’t miss anything. Perhaps I’m being overly paranoid, but the reality is that it’s just me keeping this thing going; I don’t have a collaborator or team behind me. And, it’s starting to get exhausting.
Rethinking the To Do list
I’m returning to this space after a bit of a break. I’m not entirely sure I feel ready, but I think it’s right to come back and start again when there are new buds on the trees and flowers starting to bloom in gardens. Writing regularly, and sharing my ideas on creativity with a wider audience, is important to me and I’ve missed it during the winter months. But, adding something back into my schedule feels like hard work. I’ve gotten used to having the extra time each week for other things (and there are so many other things!) that trying to earmark a short space for this has me questioning whether it’s time I can afford. This activity needs to move from the category ‘things I rarely do’ to ‘things I always do’ – a space that is much easier to deal with.
The issue seems to be how I view the work I currently need to do. I’m at the beginning of a long project that will last until the end of June. It’s challenging work and I feel like I am always on the verge of being overwhelmed, there are so many things to hold in my head. I’ve been keeping a reflective journal of the process, to learn as I go, and I’ve already realised that managing a project – that involves six other artists, two venues, five partner organisations, an ambitious events programme and is publicly funded – by one’s self may not have been such a sensible plan. It’s all do-able, but it would be lovely to have someone to share things with, an extra pair of eyes on the details and the overview. When I start to struggle it’s all on me. I’m sure you know exactly how I feel. Most creative work, for freelancers or self-employed artists/makers/designers, lives in the mind of only one person, and no one else has the full picture. Sharing that, explaining that, not feeling guilty by it is often hard to do.
So right now I’m interested in ways to manage my work load and time so that I don’t have too many days of feeling twisty in my tummy or evenings spent feeling like I should be doing more
How I struggle with starting
I started this blog in March last year because I wanted to write. You see, I have a bit of a procrastination problem and I thought that having a regular deadline would help with this. I’m not sure if you also have a procrastination problem but even if you don’t I’m sure you can see the irony in that sentiment. Well, I’m pleased to report that out of the past 43 weeks I’ve only missed one post (that was some really nasty food poisoning on holiday) and the satisfaction of knowing I can manage to keep on top of this corner of the internet gives me hope that one day I might win in my struggles to get stuff done.
I have a notebook where I jot down ideas for the blog. Sometimes they appear out of nowhere, or are inspired by books I’m reading, but usually they come out of something I’m dealing with in my own creative practice or business. With so many ideas in the notebook you’d think that it would be easy writing these posts… but no. Most weeks, despite the deadline always being Wednesday, I find myself in a mild state of panic (usually on the Tuesday) about what to write. There have been the odd perfect moments where the posts have written themselves, as the topic was so close to me that it just needed to emerge. But mostly I have to drag them out. I have tried micro-managing the blog post writing, scheduling it for the week before to get ahead of myself, and I’ve even tried binge-writing so that I have some posts banked. But generally these instances are few and far between. Things quickly return to the status quo of the last minute.
I’m sharing this with you because I think it helps to hear that other people struggle too. I may offer advice or point people in the direction of things that may help them, but I’m not without my own issues and challenges. I was intending to write this week’s post, in this last week of January, about goal setting and keeping motivated – a way to round up the start of the year. But, if you don’t actually get going then none of those things really matter. So, here are some thoughts and pointers for people who, like me, find themselves putting things off, dodging certain tasks, getting anxious or worried about the things you never quite manage to do.
Books to inspire: get on top of your creative routine
So, it’s October already. Not sure how that happened, or if I’m ready for it, but I am trying to be more accepting of time passing so let’s say it’s fine. Something I have noticed about the way I work is that I often don’t get the hang of a season until it’s completely over. Which is, of course, too late. I get into a routine that works and then I have to figure out a new way of managing my time. I’m not sure that I really noticed this so much when I worked full-time in a ‘regular’ job, where the rhythm of your days is often out of your control, but now that I’m freelance/self-employed, I am very aware of how important a routine is. It is something I struggle with constantly and am always looking out for new ideas or tips.