I have been celebrating (in my own quiet ways) the seasonal way points of the solstices, equinoxes and cross quarter days for over 5 years now. And this shift to a more cyclical, nature-based rhythm of noticing, remembering, celebrating, feels appropriate in these times of polycrisis. However, whenever Samhain rolls around I notice in me a distinctly prickly feeling. I am not witchy enough for this day, I am not spiritual enough for this season, I never get this one right. And that always makes me a little sad, and means I have a tendency to let the day pass without knowing how to mark it well.

This particular seasonal shift comes with its own flavour – a connection to ancestors, to the dead, a heightened connection between this world and other worlds (the underworld, the spirit world). And I think that’s where I feel caught out. This day isn’t just about the way the natural world is changing around us, the ways that affects our human activities. This day is a shift to the unseen, to things that reach far back in time, to people we have been connected with but who are no longer here. I am a bit adrift when it comes to my connection to my ancestors and direct family line, and somehow this time of year highlights a sense of lack here. I feel especially self-conscious of what I don’t know, who I am not in relation to.

Recently, stirred by conversations we’re having in few different online communities, I have been exploring the concept of an expanded field of ancestry – soul lineages* – that go beyond a narrow concept of ancestors as solely those we are directly descended from. It has been so freeing for me to consider my network of support from the people, places, objects and more than human beings who aren’t related to me, but who have been vital in shaping me, holding me and guiding me. Many of these beings are ones I have chosen, or have chosen me, and there is so much comfort there. Considering these wide-ranging webs of connection has been really helpful in learning where I can gather strength and support, who I can call on to be present with me in difficult times.

But I’ve also realised that these beings are the ones I can tend to my relationships with at Samhain. I can choose to interpret this time of re-connection with ancestors as the time when I remember those who have played a vital role in shaping my heart and soul, and honour them in my own way. Learning that I can approach these ancient days and rituals from a place that makes sense to me, that allows for what is real in my world, is one of the reasons why I love this ongoing engagement with the wheel of the year.

*I learnt of the concept of soul lineages from Holly Truhlar via Sara Duigou

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